A Convo with a Seeker

Tell me your fears

And share your dreams:

passionlove—

like passionfruit.

“I think you're very curious about the depths of love. 

Love is the most complicated thing in the world…

easily

more complicated than astrophysics,

more difficult than the Ironman,

more painful than a hot iron through the eye,

and once you wander into its depths

there's usually no light.

You have to find Your way

You know.

Don't write about love, he said,

you are too young.

You cannot know.

This is not an attack at your knowledge,

it just isn't possible.

You have to experience it.

It's the only way.

And it will break you down

before it can build you up.

I dunno.

I guess that's been my experience:

I dunno.

And love comes in all forms, too,

you're exactly right.

I've told you of the ways I love,

and it hurts people—

myself at the top of the list,

but I can't be in a false relationship in that way.

Not that the relationship is fake, 

and the love is never false,

it's just parameters ringing false.

It’s just different.

My love is not a romantic kind of love.

It is deep and it can be fiery and passionate,

and perhaps in that it is a bit romantic,

but I don't like romance.

When do romantic movies end?”

“At the beginning.”

“Precisely,

always rings false to me.

The chase is one thing,

but love is about more than the chase.”

“So what do I do?”

“That is an entirely different question, isn't it?

Only you can decide.

I won't be able to solve your problems for you,

and you're wise enough to know that.

I guess what I can say is,

you're at the quintessential crossroads.

Your unrest is a manifestation of something.

You can push it back down and accept that it is what it is

or

you can:

Go. Do. Be.

I once had an interesting conversation with a man at a lake in a park by my apartment.

We were talking about how we've both been so broke we don't know where the food is going to come from,

and

he told me he was in Australia and picking up things in the park and people would take him to get food.

He was homeless and broke and alone and in Australia, but he wasn’t unhappy.

I was sitting on a couch in the winter with no food in the house, no way to heat up, and huddled together under a blanket.

I had a thought:

it is well known that money can't buy happiness,

but it can absolutely buy comfort—

never happiness—

and comfort and happiness are only barely related.

I guess if you're asking me what to do because you want to go do be, there's no real answer, and I think it would lose something if there were,

but

you HAVE to be comfortable and happy in being uncomfortable

because it will be uncomfortable

and it will never turn out as you plan.

You should see my apartment:

a TV I don't watch,

no furniture but

a tiny bed,

a tiny fridge,

and if I think about it long enough...

the way I'm living would drive some people mad.

My mom can't even imagine it,

and she’s pretty creative, eh?

I don't even really have any food,

but I guess I'm really comfortable in this place, and

I get so happy here on some days, tears well up.”